Thursday, January 27, 2011

hacing another tough day today

I have an appointment with my RE reproductive endocrinologist tomorrow morning and Im not really wanting to go at all. Last year when i went it was if you want to get pregnant before next year give me a call and we will start medication because of a few issues one being prolactin levels that are high to boarderline high owere at last check and the other complex part of my fertility is of course the endometriosis.
This is a really difficult subject for me because i am still so unsure what my next step in life isI love kids and want god to bless me with a million if it is meant to be just kidding not that many one or two is good ha ha but yet I know that being in the place in life tha I am now it is not the right time. there are alot of contributing factors to it not being the appropriate time for me but you know i feel kind of lost I always knew that I would most likely be the last to have a child but my sisters have both had theirs now for two and four years. I kind of want mine to fit into the age niche but yet i know i am not ready.
When I went to my GYn or a GYN that works in the same place as mine for an emergency pain management visit she was like you dont have kids and it doesnt sound like you ever want them thas not true yes I have many days where i wonder how I would do it but If I were given the blessing I would do everything a parent should do for a child. i dont know I am just finally starting to reach this point in my life that even with my wonderful family i feel empty and alone have no idea if this normally happens or not but hey this is how I feel today and i just dont want to face this appointment at all with the news I have already gotten about possible kidney problems this year its just all becoming to much

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