had a really fun day today

I went out with my friend and his mm today we had fun. i got to go to Portland headlight which I have not done in a long time  also went out to eat at Wendy's I know not in compliance with my low sodium diet but considering the circumstances I was eating it lol then we also went to cabala's in Scarborough I love the animal mountain that they have there and the fish. it is very visually stimulating for me which is good in some ways but also very overwhelming in others but I love seeing it. it and the fish are the only two reasons i like going to that store lol im not much for hunting but dad is so we go sometimes and most I stay behind because im not feeling up tot eh crowds. we also went out for ice cream yummy again probably not in compliance with my diet but i wasn't following it today and honestly have not been for a few days I know against my better judgement but i can only handle so much change and stress at one time i will be following it after surgery i promise I just needed the junk food as a freedom right now sorry that is unfortunately how i deal with some of my stresses. i tried the other avenues but they didn't work so well. I got some gifts to do in bed  or to attempt to do in bed. i am not sure how many of them i will be able to do since some are very detailed and with my vision some of that is tough but I am so thankful for the thought and for them getting me out thanks so Much D and J I really had a nice time today it took my mind off of things love u guys .
i can make a bird house once i am up and around enough to realize what im doing  i got some engraving that i can do well it is actually very simple scraping to reveal foil which  reveals a picture underneath and i got a latch hook kit which im probably going to need help to figure out how to do but ill have plenty of time to figure it out that is what I got from D and J for surgical amusement

I got some other things from mom as well hum let me see i need to go look to list them

wireless Internet yay which means that while im stuck in bed ill be able to keep in touch with my close face book friends and my blog and a few other things that I am on the Internet with so this means that if i can figure out the layout on my Ipod ill be posting here as well that is if i can figure out where things are with how small the screen is it could be a bit tough but im going to try it .
also got fuzzy posters to color love those lol i know i like alot of things that my younger readers probably do but I think alot of that has to do with the fact that it is easy for me to see.
i got a 3D Hannah Montana poster to  color not a huge fan but ill probably hang it in my nieces room or give it to one of the lil ones for their birthday
two really big coloring books with new crayons and colored pencils
oh and an itunes card  for more I books yay for that

this is some stuff i got on my own
I printed off word search puzzles to do because they are easier to see when they are not in the book form
I also have alot of other reading material that is not on my ipod  and three i books to finish that are currently on it so thanks to the love of family i think ill be well amused after surgery plus i have the TV and my music . i probably wont want to color for a while after this adventure but that's  OK because i am hoping that after this long healing period is over i can get outside and walk with comfort and ride my recumbent bike. I have a goal to lose weight have not set a goal for it yet but i know it needs to happen and that it is not going to happen overnight or at all without this surgery as you can all tell this is going to more than likely be my last post until surgery as prep starts tomorrow night.

Well i usually do this before every surgery how am i feeling
this is more for my future documentation looking back on this day
nervous
afraid
ready
happy
sad
hopeful

nervous and afraid can go in the same explanation i am nervous just because of the hospital trip afraid for me is a bit bigger of a fear and that is the Anastasia i hate the last few minutes just before going under i feel like i am losing control which yes in reality i am for a long time i have been working on that and the last surgery the experience was much better for me/
.
ready I am just plain ready for this to be done and for me to be on the road to recovery

happy because this is a step in getting my mobility back

sad because i am going to miss so much My whole summer which means at least two very special birthdays my fourth of July boat ride swimming and probably many more things as they happen

hopeful that this will be my last surgery for a long time

the interesting part is there is actually more prep for this surgery than one would think. I have to have no food after midnight yep standard practice but i also have to use some surgical scrub before hand one shower tomorrow night and another shower Thursday morning. i have not had to do this for any other surgery but It is standard practice for the doctors that I am seeing they do this to prevent infection for the patients going through surgery and also the ones following as it i am assuming also prevents transmission of infections bacteria into the OR not that they are not appropriately sterilized after lol just yet another precautionary measure.

oh and i forgot to list tha ti have my 3ds to play as well which i do not play often it is reserved for these kind of moments not that it does not get used my nephew and niece use it more than i do haha

another ultrasound update

I told u all that my ultrasound was normal for kidneys and bladder well what a shocker I got a call from the urologist this morning saying they found a small cyst on my kidney not sure which one but i have to have the renal bladder portion of the ultrasound done in two months Hoping not the transvaginal portion of it though  I am not a happy camper although the nephrologist told me not to worry I calle d him this afternoon to let him know what is going on as he specializes in kedneys not the bladder lol so i m feeling a bit better baout it not much but a little surgery is closing in fast really fast way too fast very afraid of this one ugh i will update as I am able hoping within the first week but unsure with what pain levels may be hugs to all see u all again soon

up date on last post

got the phone call from the GYN in reguards to my cysts they said it is not concerning to them right now and it is very consistent with my history of ovarian cysts if my pain increases call  It has increased but there is no point to call right now if I am still having pain when I am healed from my surgery i will tell her when i go in  and she can do a check from there

and the world just keeps sending me stuff i dont want to hear

Got a call from the urologist this mornign things are good on ultrasound with my kidneys and bladder which is good although i wish there was something showing for the bladder as much as it hurt me to have the ultrasound and is now still hurting me after the fact but I guess that is how it goes. Just frustrated tired of feelign bladder pain with no answers as to why it is hurting.
So relieved that the kidneys look good  though thank god for that one dont know what i would have done had that been bad news. the third ultrasound is where the issues cam in to play. there are several small cysts on my solitary right ovary so I was instructed to call my gyn and let them know they will be reciebeing a copy of the ultrasound to review with me so unles they can do that over the phone i will need to get an appointmetn before surgery really just more stuff to add stress to life right now I think im going on doctor strike again for a while after I have this surgery .

pre surgical pic of the feet to help ppl see what i was trying to explain about my foot being contracted

ad u can see by the top picture my right foot is in a nearly normal position and has good range of motion left foot as you can see isnt quite so well with range of motion and it is constantly in that turned in downward position its becoming painful and uncomfortable for me to walk just wanted to share this as this blog has not been dedicated to cp in some time as you can see it still affects my life even though it isnt talked about as often as the other conditions i have going on hugs to all

preop clearance is good

i got teh go ahead for my achelies tendon surgery today from my primary doctor not so sure if this is a happy moment or not but i know for sure it is a scary one. Staying healthy for the next nine days so i can have this done and then the hard part of the road comes the recovery. I am pretty sure i can handle the pain but the eight weeks in bed Im just not one to lay low for that long oh boy the good news is though that once I am awake enough ill be able to update cause I am getting wirless internet yay for that i wont be totally bored haha not alot of gaming but at least ill be able to connect to some peopel thankfully and I have coloring and word puzzles to amuse myself with music and also my nintendo 3ds thank god for christmas

Facing the fears i never thought i would have to face again

I feel so confused so afraid so unprepared for this surgery. I know ther eis only so much that can be done to prepare for something but I just dont feel ready. I was told that i would never have to face another surgery again after my tendon transfer at sixteen years old and I returned to the same doctor when my hip pain started with concerns that the hip pain was  coming from the uneven gait and tightnes in my foot and even at that time asked for rebracing his response was no that will  not help your hip pain those issues are not related to the pain you are having this was two years ago now and I had given up going to orthopedic docs after this and another episode that i will not disclose on my blog for personal reasons
Well It was again getting to the point where i was having back and hip pain pretty regularly and i was rrefered to a podiotrist for skin breakdown on my right foot thinking that the way that i was walking because of the pain was affecting my hip and back pain so i got the treatment for the skin breakdown and still am having pain sio I returned to my regular doctor and she recomended a referal to an orthopedic because i was haveing pain in more than one location and there  is not much that she could do for my muscle skelatal pain so the road has begun again.
After my first orthopedic appointmetn i was refered to a nurologist but they would not see me because they did not feel that there was anythign they could do to help as my contracted muscle was not active spasming which is what baclofen is used to treat the second  referal was to a physiatrist which was a no go for reasons i do not know i am guessing it is not something my insurance covers so my second appointment was undertaken at the orthopedic and it was decided surgery ugh
Well i have learned not to listen to doctors i will accept the help they have to offer but i know that nothing is ever guarenteed like the first doc had me believing I am feeling very afraid this round I have so many fears one of the major ones is how this is going to affect my overall ability to walk i know they are doing it with hopes that it will help but ther eis that unthinkable chance that it could make things worse what would i do if i ended up in a chair trying to prevent going into one I would not be able to stay here with my familythe other one is the eight week recovery period the last one was six weeks and i could weight bear after four i dont know how im suposed to make it eight weeks of non weight bearing only being able to get up to use the bathroom this means no computer as i do not have wirless internet oh lord lol