Facing the fears i never thought i would have to face again

I feel so confused so afraid so unprepared for this surgery. I know ther eis only so much that can be done to prepare for something but I just dont feel ready. I was told that i would never have to face another surgery again after my tendon transfer at sixteen years old and I returned to the same doctor when my hip pain started with concerns that the hip pain was  coming from the uneven gait and tightnes in my foot and even at that time asked for rebracing his response was no that will  not help your hip pain those issues are not related to the pain you are having this was two years ago now and I had given up going to orthopedic docs after this and another episode that i will not disclose on my blog for personal reasons
Well It was again getting to the point where i was having back and hip pain pretty regularly and i was rrefered to a podiotrist for skin breakdown on my right foot thinking that the way that i was walking because of the pain was affecting my hip and back pain so i got the treatment for the skin breakdown and still am having pain sio I returned to my regular doctor and she recomended a referal to an orthopedic because i was haveing pain in more than one location and there  is not much that she could do for my muscle skelatal pain so the road has begun again.
After my first orthopedic appointmetn i was refered to a nurologist but they would not see me because they did not feel that there was anythign they could do to help as my contracted muscle was not active spasming which is what baclofen is used to treat the second  referal was to a physiatrist which was a no go for reasons i do not know i am guessing it is not something my insurance covers so my second appointment was undertaken at the orthopedic and it was decided surgery ugh
Well i have learned not to listen to doctors i will accept the help they have to offer but i know that nothing is ever guarenteed like the first doc had me believing I am feeling very afraid this round I have so many fears one of the major ones is how this is going to affect my overall ability to walk i know they are doing it with hopes that it will help but ther eis that unthinkable chance that it could make things worse what would i do if i ended up in a chair trying to prevent going into one I would not be able to stay here with my familythe other one is the eight week recovery period the last one was six weeks and i could weight bear after four i dont know how im suposed to make it eight weeks of non weight bearing only being able to get up to use the bathroom this means no computer as i do not have wirless internet oh lord lol