Thursday, August 19, 2010

Almost forgot wht endometriosis feels like yeah almost

not really I will never ever forget that farmilliar tourturous pain but I am happy it has been four days shy of a month and i just started having mild to moderate pains today when i posted before it was just little twinges but these are not huge but not little painful episodes.
I am praying it is because my nuva ring is about ready to need a refill aka to be changed. I pray that this works for more than a month. I am so leary and probably will be for a long time . it is hard to get too far intot eh future when you think um what if I am doing somethng like visiting a friend which i did this past weekend and the pain returns.
i know i should not think this way but its kind of difficult not to after living in pain for so long. As i said in a previous entry I am sure i have had issues since 13 and was not diagnosed until 23 almost 24 years old my diagnosis was a welcome but unwanted early birthday gift given on december fourth 2009.
It has now been nine months and guess what I am still not fully adjusted tot he fact that i have this condition. i don't lnow if i will ever be. i am forced to live with it but it is also so hard to realize that this horrible condition has been pleguing me for years and no one wanted to take action.
It is frustrating and it has also been an emotional rollercoaster. one day I think OK I am good with having this then a few days later I sit and say well I dont know if i want kids yet or not and wonder if that will happen because of the endometriosis.
I guess I have basically honestly been taking life one day at a time since the diagnosis and for some time before. It is painful to think on the future right now in the means of children so i just do what i can to make the days good,
I never knew one thing could cause so many different thoughts and emotions. It can be so confusing and frustrating sometimes. I can not wait until tuesday so I can forget teh pain again and feel like me that is the most frustrating part of the whole thing. well I have to go for now jake is barking up a storm think he is tangled or wants to come in

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