appointment today

I have an appointment with my primary doctor today because i need to see if a different muscle relaxer will work on my pelvic floor spasms but also diminish the pain and spasms I have been having in my legs. I am tired of letting pain take over i want to be active when I want to do things and not have to chose between weather im going to suffer pain. I have let pain rule my life for way too long. now that my pelvic pain seems to be well controled and I will probably regret saying that but I am so  much happier with less pain in that area however I am realizing that he cp is also the root cause of allot of the pain i am feeling.
For a long time I thought that the pain in my legs was fully caused by the irritation of nerves by endometriosis but I am wrong and now know that mucsle spasms and nerve pain are partly to blame. I am so nervous about changing anything with my med combo in fear of messing up the pelvic pain relief that I have been getting. In a way I kingd of feel like i should deal with the pain in order not to trigger another flare of sumptoms yet I know that I need pain managed so that I can atain the goals a have set for myself without being miserable through the process I know that if I lose weight I will be in a better place to manage everything in my lofe and most importantly able to stay ambulatory which is my main goal. I am so afraid that i will be bound to a chair becaue of pain if i do not get things under control and i do not want that. I am not sure if this fear is normal but I know that it scares me to think about all of this. I never dreamed taht CP and other medcal issues combined would leave me in this situation of daily fear.
I took sunday off from doing all things medical and just rested and after doing so I beat myself up all day. I went to bed last night saying god I feel like I am not attaining my goal even though its just one day of rest so I hope that this continues to go smoothly. I am afraid that If I do not rest I will over do it and just be worse off physically yet every time o dont do this I feel like I am utting my independance and mobility at risk. I totally dislike these emotional ups and downs. and for all of you whos lil ones have CP and are mobile now be on the lookout for increaed pain and discomfort. I know I was pushed alot when I was younger and bounced back fairly well but I also feel that too much of a good thing IE pt can be detramental and could make issues later in life however not enough pt and the lil one will not achiece full ability its such a tough road for everyone involved. you as parents are forced to chose weather or not the lil one has pt and we as teh children and adults with cp are forced to realize that pt is important however there is a such thing as too much. I love my pt at New England rehav she is very motivating and makes me feel at ease trying new things that i am very afraid of like going up and down stairs with forearm crutches omg i was not happy with that one but I did it and that is what matters. I will continue to update on my journey and hope to read some new blog posts on my cp friends I miss updates on malayna can u post some pics sheila so i can see how much she has grown if you have not recently .