Oh My lord is this seriously how i am going to have to live for the next ten years

I am in horrible pain today. I called the OB and they gave me a perscription for ultram and basically said that was all they could do at this time. Is this what I have to look forward to forever pain and medication to zonk me out so i have no life. They said that the ultram would not put me to sleep but I have odd reactions to meds IBuprophen makes me sleepy at 800 MG. I am due to go back in february i am kind of wondering if there is really a point to going. I just want it all to go away so i can have more than five or six weeks without pain. I hate chronic pelvic pain. my adhesion is pulling alot again and ther is only one hope of relief from that another surgery and i dont see that one happening any time soon not that i want another one . I am just so frustrated. Is it too much to ask for one cycle without pain i guess so when it comes to endometriosis. I am just praying I can get it under control before christmas. I also have to go in for another appointment with my PCP on Monday hope I can make it wihout tears from the pain ugh I would hate to break down in front of someone but when i get the really sharp pains ive been getting i cant help it ugh. this is going to be one long journey and i dont think i am prepared to go thorugh it. I am so exhausted and unable at times to fufill the basic tasks of life
I have plans with a friend tomorrow that i dont feel I can back out of because i have not seen them in three or more months and for some time i was going every weekend. I just hope the pain does not become excruciating while i am there it is sad that i am afraid to leave home because of pain boy do i hate this. One major good thing is that I have not gone and will not go to the ER again for it. I will suffer through it with what I am given and make it be enough. I feel like everyone is basically at a loss of what more to do because they have done the lupron which i will not do again even though the relief was good while it lasted. The side effects and pain of the shots are not worth it for the short relief it offered i am only seven months past my final shot and it will be a year in january since my first one if that makes since a year since starting seven mo9nths since ending.
i will not go for another surgery either until I am older and they can do something more to rid me of the pain. I am not willing to have endo and scar tissue removed to have more return. The only way that i will have another surgery is if it is a medical emergancy or they are prepared to take the reproductive organs completely and they will not do that because i am no where near menopause and hove no living children so it is going to be a living hell for a long time comming well hope this was not too detailed but it is what is going through my mind today and this is my blog where i post things like this because i want others to know what endometriosis is really like it is evel and relentless