a few years after graduating high school i got to thinking about the phrase mom always said to me about the fact that if people could not accept me that i did not need them as friends. I finally realized she was right and in that aspect life has been much better.
As i said before i have the few friends who accepted me as me even with my diffferences and realized that inside i was a great person and those are the poople who really matter. It took me a long time to accept this and wow now that i have it is so much easier. I do not cry nearly as much and i am more able to say well if that is how you want to be than fine. I don't even know what caused me to come to the realization but whatever it was weather it be my maturity kicking im or my acceptance of the stupidity of others i am glad that it finally happened.
Friday, October 30, 2009
coping with the reactions
At this point in my life i was still a high school student wanting acceptance. I was not getting that from too many people. I was in a situation where my ed tech or aide would help other people with things that they needed assistance on and they would interact with me in her presence but other than that i had very few friends who would interact with me on their own terms until i started going to all of my classes on my own and asking friends for their assistance. That is basically how i met the few friends that i have today most of which i have litt;e contact with.
There were still many others that would walk by me and laugh or stare or make thier particular rude comment. there were also others that thought i was cool because i had biggger books. That was ok i guess but all i really wanted to do was fit in. It was tough to cope with the reactions and frustrations of things like that. Things have changed alot since graduating now i will move on to the part of my life i am in now. the issues of being 23 and the present
There were still many others that would walk by me and laugh or stare or make thier particular rude comment. there were also others that thought i was cool because i had biggger books. That was ok i guess but all i really wanted to do was fit in. It was tough to cope with the reactions and frustrations of things like that. Things have changed alot since graduating now i will move on to the part of my life i am in now. the issues of being 23 and the present
Thursday, October 29, 2009
PT
This is one of the least favorite things about having CP I must say. the PT's said that it was supposed to help and make me feel better but i felt that it hurt me and it was really uncomfortable for me. I hated the isolation too but the discomfort was just sometimes overwheming. After each session i would havr alot of sppasms even though it was supposed to streach my muscles to prevent this.
I had some PT's who listened when i said it was begining to get uncomfortable and would change the plan for a bit from streaching to balance and other things but most of them just told me that they did not think it was that uncomfortable and kept going. I hated that because it was my body and when i said it was uncomfortable i think it was right?
I think my body and mind knows what it feels they can't because it is not happening to them. Now luckly i can do the streaching myself and it is not nearly as uncomfortable because i take it slowly and work up to being able to streach my leg muscles freely.
I had some PT's who listened when i said it was begining to get uncomfortable and would change the plan for a bit from streaching to balance and other things but most of them just told me that they did not think it was that uncomfortable and kept going. I hated that because it was my body and when i said it was uncomfortable i think it was right?
I think my body and mind knows what it feels they can't because it is not happening to them. Now luckly i can do the streaching myself and it is not nearly as uncomfortable because i take it slowly and work up to being able to streach my leg muscles freely.
OT
I liked Ot for the most part. There were some things that i hated. we did gluing and cutting and alot of things to improve fine and gross motor skills. I did not like glueing because i hated how it felt to touch. Other than that i liked doing it I did alot of braiding that was really tough for me but i liked a chalange. Most things in life have been tough for us with CP so whats a little chalange here and there? I did not like the testing that came with those programs though because it was very tireing and some of the things even in the end were challanging. I could not draw a diomand for the longest time. and cutting is still tough for me to a certain extent.
The depression following surgery
when i was going through the surgery and recovery I got really depressed. It was really tough because i could not leave the house and after a few weeks of not seeing my friends at school it got really tough.
I remember having some depression before that but this was worse than anything it is tough not to get depressed when you feel isonlated most of the time. I was glad that i finally got to go back to school.
I remember having some depression before that but this was worse than anything it is tough not to get depressed when you feel isonlated most of the time. I was glad that i finally got to go back to school.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
the dreaded S word
My orthopedic doctor talked about surgery freequently but he needed to wait for my muscles and tendons to stop growing before her could proceed with what he felt would be the most helpful of surgical options for my particular case.
I had what is called a tendon transfer surgery on my left foot and ankle area. they split the stronger tendon and put soem of it on one side and some on the other side of my foot by cutting it down the middle. It was very very painful. I was in a chair for three weeks or so then i went to a walker. I missed four or five weeks of school and went back just in time to take my final exams my sophmore year. I had to keep up on my work the entire time too because i did not want to retake my sophmore classes when i was a junior because that would have been harder than keeping up on the work it would have been twice the work load.
It was a long recovery for me i was stuck in the hous alot and it was done in may and the cast stayed on until july. It made for a long borring depressing summer. I am glad that was the only surgery that i had done for the CP. My teachers were amazed to see me come back to school the end of that year. I told them i was going to but i guess they did not think i was going to. One more time of many that i proved everyone wrong.
I had what is called a tendon transfer surgery on my left foot and ankle area. they split the stronger tendon and put soem of it on one side and some on the other side of my foot by cutting it down the middle. It was very very painful. I was in a chair for three weeks or so then i went to a walker. I missed four or five weeks of school and went back just in time to take my final exams my sophmore year. I had to keep up on my work the entire time too because i did not want to retake my sophmore classes when i was a junior because that would have been harder than keeping up on the work it would have been twice the work load.
It was a long recovery for me i was stuck in the hous alot and it was done in may and the cast stayed on until july. It made for a long borring depressing summer. I am glad that was the only surgery that i had done for the CP. My teachers were amazed to see me come back to school the end of that year. I told them i was going to but i guess they did not think i was going to. One more time of many that i proved everyone wrong.
Bracing explained
I do not remember when exactly i started wearing braces but i can deffinately discribe the process for those who do not know what it is all about. Well first let me also explain the two types of Braces that i wore through the years. They were both AFO'S ankle foot orthotis I think is what it meant. either that or Orthotics i dont remember all of the medical wording.
One of the Braces that i wore was metal and it attatched to the bottom of my shoe underneath the sole and went to the knee. It had a joint like my ankle so that i could walk. It was heavey and it was in the begining only on one leg. Around the time i was in eight grade the orthopedic decided to put them on both legs. That was tough and i hated every minute of it. that is when i decided to change to the other type of brace. It still had the same name but it was made from plastic and alot lighter.
I did not really like the plastic because of sweating and the fact that it enclosed my leg except for the front which had straps over the knee area and ankle to hold my legs and feet into them. The only benifit was that they were much lighter when i had them on both legs and it made it much easier to move.
The fitting process
Well this was intersting for me with the sensory issues that go along with CP. They wrap the limbs in plaster from the knee to the toes and then wait for it to harden then they remove it and begin the process of molding plastic to the contours of the limbs. Well while they did this it was witing for me a few weeks or so.
Then came the actual time to try them on. I would put my foot into them and try to explain where the uncomfortable spots were. kind of tough for a youngster actually and then they would trim them down until they fit comfortably which sometimes took more than one trip. They would think they got all of the uncomfortable areas and then i would start getting skin breakdown so back we would go. It is quite a process.
Needless to say i had a great relationship with the man who made them. Out of the doctors i met he was one of my personal best. He took the time to ensure everything was ok before he sent me on my way.
One of the Braces that i wore was metal and it attatched to the bottom of my shoe underneath the sole and went to the knee. It had a joint like my ankle so that i could walk. It was heavey and it was in the begining only on one leg. Around the time i was in eight grade the orthopedic decided to put them on both legs. That was tough and i hated every minute of it. that is when i decided to change to the other type of brace. It still had the same name but it was made from plastic and alot lighter.
I did not really like the plastic because of sweating and the fact that it enclosed my leg except for the front which had straps over the knee area and ankle to hold my legs and feet into them. The only benifit was that they were much lighter when i had them on both legs and it made it much easier to move.
The fitting process
Well this was intersting for me with the sensory issues that go along with CP. They wrap the limbs in plaster from the knee to the toes and then wait for it to harden then they remove it and begin the process of molding plastic to the contours of the limbs. Well while they did this it was witing for me a few weeks or so.
Then came the actual time to try them on. I would put my foot into them and try to explain where the uncomfortable spots were. kind of tough for a youngster actually and then they would trim them down until they fit comfortably which sometimes took more than one trip. They would think they got all of the uncomfortable areas and then i would start getting skin breakdown so back we would go. It is quite a process.
Needless to say i had a great relationship with the man who made them. Out of the doctors i met he was one of my personal best. He took the time to ensure everything was ok before he sent me on my way.
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