Dealing with another long term condition

i am finding myself going through a similar phase as i did when i was finally able to realize that the condition of CP was a permanent but treatable condition. Well this is happening again as the endometriosis is permanent but treatable as i am too young to have a hysterectomy even though i am almost positive that i do not want children in the future. do not get me wrong I love them to pieces and have plenty of chances to interact with them and love every minute of it but i don't know if i am physically able to cope with the daily grind of a child.
I have babysat since i was sixteen so i know what it is like to basically raise a child as i have done overnights and general care for up to a week at a time. I love children but i think that was experience enough to tell me that they are not meant for me. I still sit and love it but with everything that has been going on lately medically it is so hard to do right now. I miss it alot.
Well back to the feelings portion, I have gone through the crying phase just the other night because even though i do not want children it is tough for me to think long term on having another chronic condition to cope with. i am angry and frustrated as well and i know this is probably normal but honestly I can not seem to shake it and just want it over with. It has been a tough week for me and i just in all honesty kind of feel lost right now. and very thankful for the help of friends family an a great counselor and yes this includes the Internet family as well.

post op appointment made this morning

Well, I am slowly beginning to feel better. I stayed up most of the day today and had a few visitors a people that called me that i was able to talk to so that was nice. I made my post operative appointment this morning as well. It is on Friday December 18th. I will know where my next step is then and will have more news at that time on the surgical aspect of it all.
It has taken some time to let this all sink in and i am still working on it. It was a very shocking thing for me to hear. I am handling it well though and hope to be feeling better soon. It will not be a easy fix, there is not a cure for this and it is just manage the symptoms as they come as long as things do not get worse. I will be sure to update often and keep you all posted on my happy moments too.
Oh the best part, I did have an enjoyable 24Th birthday even though i was recouperating. I did not do much but it was a nice day overall.

more on surgery

Well as i said i would update more once i was able to sit up longer so here you go, The surgery went well overall, The diagnosis was very unexpected to me though. We thought it was a fluid filled tube. That is not what it is though. It is Stage three endometriosis. Another blessing for me to have to deal with. I am not sure what the next step is but i know for sure it is not a full hysterectomy because the surgeon said that i am way to young for one. I will update again after i know more my post op is in two weeks so it will most likely be then that i update again.

post surgical update

I am home, Not feeling too great but well enough to do a quick updaye here. The surgery went smoothly as possible and i am on the road to recovery again. I will post more in a later update when i can sit up for more than twenty mins at a time

Thank you

I want to say thanks for being so dedicated to my blog and reading all the time. thanks for sticking by me even if it is through the computer. Ny family is wonderful but its great to know i have others looking out too.

Anticipating surgery

this is a poem that i just wrote like ten minutes before posting it here thanks for reading it.

I hate these feelings
My anxiety is about to hit the ceiling
I hate this dreaded feeling

The anticipation
Then the aggravation
and finally the frustration

this happens during the recovery period
when my physical condition is deteriorated
My lack of Independence is then stated
this period is definitely hated

I hate having to depend
For me others must fend
I am always glad when this period comes to an end
My thanks to everyone i will send
For helping me until the end

the hospital is nearly impossible for me to bear
Sometimes at the ceiling i just stare
pretending i am not there
the feelings are so hard to share
before i did not dare

I used to put on a brave face
locked my feelings inside a case
I would act as though i was not fazed

When i had my foot done
to the hospital mom did come
anxiety she had some
i acted as though i had none
Wow that was not fun
I was glad when that ordeal was done
Home i wanted to run
When the nurse finally said home i could come

A poem written about past ad present feelings i have prior to surgery. I had the foot operation done when i was sixteen years old and it seems like it was yesterday and have had a few since and they are no easier.

Pre op called

yeah the hospital called in the pre admissions department. I am all set there. Now though i am not sure weather i will be coming home or not though because they are sending me to admitting rather than ASU so i am thinking it is gonna be an overnight stay for me. Not exactly something to loos forward to but if that's how it has to be that is it i guess. If that happens though there is a good side to it because when i come home i will have better pain control so that will be good.