Borthday is in a weel not wanting it

this is for many reasons, One is the two yr annaversary of my diagnosis of endo isthree days before on the fourth and it is so hard right now to know that I have been battling this official diagnosis for two years but have had it much longer just never knew the name. You know The endo is the hardest condition i live with every day. Yes people see my physical limitatios and grieve them for me but endo they can not see they do not understand and it is invisable so all in all I and the others who have endo are the only ones who truly can understand what I am saying wen i say things about endo. it is the same withe the CP but others can see that i have dificulties and seem to be more willing to accept that where since they can not see this they prefer to say that ts not real I have a wonderful suport system do not get me wrong but with this desiease i sometimes feel so alone.
another reason im not wanting to be another year older is my CP is starting to limit me as well my baklance is changing my fetigue is increasing my muscles are tighter right now than they have been in a long time. having the hip pain again waiting for my ortho appointment i just feel like everything comes crashing down around the holidays. I did get my recumbant bike for birthday christmas present so I am hoping with the use of that i can build up some strength again as it will be easier than walking because im not fighting my body to keep it balanced very excited about that after christmas yay.
You know I often have people who will talk to me and say i dont see how you manage to smile at all. i do not really know how to respond to this but honestly if those of us with chrinic ilness didnt find something to be happy for in life what would the point be I sometimes spend a few hours of every day looking for a positive but find one none the less yes there are some days that i just isolate and hide but there could be so many more so now i am going to make a list of things that I am greatful for to add positive to a somewhat negative post

my family
my puppy jake
my wonderful parents yes they are family but they are in a class all their own thanks mom and dad for being so wonderful.
My wonderful primary care doctor and gyn
my counsoler
and the fact that i have had 26 years to learn and grow and realize what really matters to me and it is not meterail things lieke with some it is the people that i surround myslef with oh yes and I am so thankful for my endo sisters and also my fellow blog followers sorry for the long post its just been kind of a trying day here hugs to all of you

happy thanksgiving

Wishing all my readers a happy thanks giving i hope you all enjoy it as i plan to lol This week has not been the best for me but isnt the worst either for sure. I cant seem to make it thorugh a holiday without feeling yucky the fourth of july my endo and bladder were bothering me now my hip is bothering me and I have got one nasty cold going on here. On to brighter things i have been keeping myself busy whie trying to get enough rest to recover from the joys of this cold i did some cooking for thanksgiving I made chocolate fudge bananna bread cranberry bread and cooked an apple pie yay I love to cook when im up to it didnt realize how much i missed it
not sure how much time im going to spend out of bed today but at least some is planned again happythanks giving and enjoy the dai

getting close to my breaking point here

hip is down right horrible today had my appointment and have to see an orthopedic oh joy how did i know this one was comming. So nervous hate this whole process. Just so tired of the ups and downs of all of this but still trying to remain positive.

another set back

My back has been bothering me for a few days now and unfortunately my hip is very sore again. i go to my primary doctor tomorrow but im so afraid to tell her about my hip and back pain. i know she will take me seriously that is not the issue the issue is i need a new orthopedic doctor if she feels i need to be seen by one due to some issues that occured that are beyond my control but successfully made me never want to go back to the ortho I had before ugh so nervous and afraid to tell her.
She is still kind of new to my case and may not know all the information that i have doccumented on my orthopedic status she does know however that I have Spastic cerebral palsy. i am just hoping she is willing to try a few routes of treatment before refering me to another orthopedic so nerve racking. My last primay care physician wanted me back in AFO'S and my old ortho refused so i shhall see if i hit that road again ugh hate having cp because of the things it does to my body. All the extra stress and strain. I have been more active with less endo pain so now here goes the joint pain again ugh cant seem to won but trying to stay positive and im also afraid that they will request my records and see info abou the hip issue last yr and then ill be facing another injection of cortisone or surgery ugh fear sucks

jake had his vet appointment today

My boy had his ears rechecked this morning. The doc said we are doing a meraculous job as his ears are 90 percent clear in two weeksi guess it usually takes longer. Any way only one week of treatment left for him thankfully. She said she can see all the way to his eardrum this time and the canal is nice and open which is good its not inflamed he just has a bit of depris left in there.
also i will be participating in a genetic study in hopes of finding easier treatments and diagnosis options not just me of course many of my endo sisters are doing thsi too im very excited on this one got a message saying the kit is on its way to me yay just have to wait for paperwork from the hspital and then get my op report and ill be good to go on trying to put an end to endo hugs to all of u

still hanging in there add back is a good thing

i said in my last post that I started norethindron for addback for progesterone to help with hot flashes and since i started it Ive had significantly less hot flashes. I have had a few more pains but that can not be directly linked tot he lupron its on the left side so I am thinking my increased activity is pulling on the scar tissue(adhesion) that I have on the left ovary ugh had to take two tramadol today but its the first time in awhile it is so nice not to have to take medication for pain every day. i still get neasua and significant cramping when i have to have a bm which is annoying

happiness and sadness all rolled into one

had another ob appointment today and brought mom with me so she could get questions answered. she asked what questions she had or more like I asked one for her. She asked if there was anyway to stop the endometriosis and the answer I already knew was no. but hey I guess just hearing it from someone who works witht he femals system works. Then she asked about the dreaded H word actually i btought that one up for her so that i did not have to try and explain it yet again. So tired of hearing it. She gace oll the usual reasons such as she is not over thirty and she has no children and if she has HRT the aendo will continue and with No HRT she would get bone loss and the last thing she said to us was a total shock to even me she said that if she did a hysterectomy with no GRT that i am at significant risk of heart desiease whoa stop nop need to hear no more scare the crap out of me ill take my pain rather than be afraid that im hoing to have heart issues ill keep at least some of my femal parts.
I go back for another and yes my final lupron injection january 12th and from there we will plan the surgery date oh and yes surgery is definate after this round of lupron. She said that a lap was a good idea but i was still hesitant but after today I guess it is an official part of our plan the joys of a chronic life long condition tryst me these are the times where i wish i was older. Mood swings are bad hot flashes are bad night sweats are not so bad yet ive had a few but i also got my add back therapy which has nothing to do with estrogen it is progesterone only as endometriosis thrives on estrogen. Well thats my update for today so a very emotional day reality for some reason hits harder with me when the docs are talking to someone else and im listening to them talk ugh well wising everyone a happy day