going to the Docs monday

I have now been having knee pain for a week. I am at a loss for what is causing it. It is however on my left side which is more affected with the CP but I did not twist it or anything It is a burning pain and it is driving me crazy its not like the burning endometriosis pain isn't enough lol but again I will get through it. I just hope that my Primary doctor has some ideas on how to relieve the pain I've done heat and have been taking my mild pain meds which are helping some but I feel that she needs to be informed and that i need to get it checked out to ensure that my long road with CP is not causeing early aging to set in because from all information that have read aging in CP patients can start as early as thirties with arthritis and things and it is much more common in the more ambulatory patients. this research is still ongoing and i don't remember exactly where a read it but ya I'm kind of depressed to learn this ugh just another hurdle for all of us to overcome. I have had a lot of knee pain in the past but it has now been over a year so I am really not sure why it is happening now. This is really becoming exhausting.
On the endometriosis front things are not looking much different. I am hesitant to leave too far from home because of the pain.
On the bladder front with the IC it is bad because it Flares when my endo is being mean . I am really tired right now and have been going to bed really early because of it

so ready to crush this desiease

I hate you endometriosis you make me miserable you make me hurt you make me cry you make me feel like I am going to lose my mine. But I want you to know that I will not cave to you I will beat you i will continue to enjoy my good days you will not take everything from me. You may make it so im not able to do things sometimes but i will beat you I may go through hell trying but one day i will be a part of makeing sure there is a cure foth youu because you are too evil to continue to affect us the way you do I hate you endometriosis you have robbed me of so much the past two years and so much even befoore that but I could not blame you because i did not know u

a very hor painful but good day

I finally managed to get out of the house today for more than a doctors appointment. It felt good to be out even though it was a bit tough. I wanted to take a bath while i was at aunties house cause we don't have a tub here at home but my niece decided she needed one more so needless to say she won the battle lol
I am so frustrated with being in pain and stuck inside most of the time. It is not only the pain but between that and other restrictions with transportation it tends to get a bit tough. I probably will not be going out except on weekends for a while now it is actually tiring to be out of the house in different enviroments now if that makes sense to any one.
There are so many frustrations that i cant even really explain but I am just glad that i was able to get out of the house for the day with less pain. i think i forgot to post on this but I also went to a birthday party on July 16th that was a bit hard because i was pretty uncomfortable and knew i wanted to stay but could not take meds until bed but other than that I really enjoyed the birthday because i had not seen those family members in a long time so I guess all in all july has been quite an eventful month despite pain .
the pain that i have right now is like a constant match being lit on my female organs not that you all need a description lol

ugh i dont think this bought of pains going to calm down like it was before

Im still in alot of pain and have been trying not to take meds for it . I am not so sure i will make it until october any more. I am nervous on making an appointment though because I was not thins bad when my GYN left. I am struggling with the fact that it has come to being in this much pain in justthree months time it has been progressing isnce may I saw my GYN in june. I told her that i was having increased pain and stuff and she told me that if I have problems between to make an appointment but in other ways i dotn really see the ideal solution making an appointment with someone else since all they will be able to do is perscribe more meds and send me home im just confused. and unfortunately still in pain. I am wishing my ovary would just fall out and yes i know that is not gonna happen but i can wish right!!!!! I can tell everyone that this and IC are the worst ilnesses that i live with daily. ugh they are not easy and there is no way i am gong to uro until she is back from leave id make an appt woth the GYN clinic before risking seeing the first uro I had lol. Sorry this is just turning int a huge vent.
I feel really alone right now but I guess that is because I kind of am as no one in my family has IC or endometriosis they try to understand but just can't fully well i guess im going to go rest for a bit

this is a nother good song

this is a song that I found the other day and ive been listeing to it I need something to keep telling myself i am a strong person I have been feeling weak and lost lately with the pain comming back. I know that everyone says i am strong but i think we all have our moments where we dont really know where the strength is. right now i just dont feel so strong but ill get rthrough it with extra suport and wonderful people I always do hugs to all who are here who read it means alot to me i think I have also found what i ant to do with my life. I want to spread awarness of all of my major medical aissues that would be the CP the IC and the endometriosis any Ideas on how to begin doing this would be awsome i know i am doing well with it here but not too many people give imput with questions or anything dont have alot of trafic lol but i love my fellow followes dearly. I would love to do it publicly somehow but where to bgin meaning i want people to hear my voice not just see my words thanks for your imput i just realluy feel that i have found my calling in the world for now and i want to go with it I feel that god put me here to help others who need to know about or are suffering with any of the conditons that i have

To do or waht not to do that is the question

I was advised to make an appointmetn with an ob at the clinic that i was going to and technically am still a patient at but I am hesatant because i do not know any of the GYNs there now the three that I saw previously have completed their residency and I am going to continue to see my GYn when she returns to practice in october and I am sure that nothing is going to get done besides pain meds once i explain this to the doctor that i will be seeing so I am kind of debating do i make the appointment or do I put on my stuborn face and try to wait it out if it acts up again. It not an easy choice for me. I thought i was going to do OK until octoer but the month of may was bad landing me in the ER. June i had my Cycle and was amazed no Er trip but I think i ruptured a cyst the other night because i could not walk and was really sick. this desiease or condition which ever yerm fits is so frustrating and unpredictable and i don't know which choice to go with and ultimately i know i am the one to have to make the final choice. i just feel so confused.

My regular OB said partiol hysto if I got to the point where pain meds are no longer enough. right now thee enough when i dont want to function or need to sleep all day thats not my style i like to be involved in things. I am just struggling to accept that it is comming back to this point so fast. I am so afraid. i sometimes wish that someone else could be me just so i didnt have to make the choices shall we say stress and anxiety lol

endometriosis is winning again

sorry guys i managed a positive post last time but tehre is not much positive right now. i had to take another trip to ER again last night for pain. it was so bad i was throwing up and could barely walk. i am not happy because now i have to make an appointment with another doctor at the clinic and im not going to be able to hold off until october like i wasnted to see my regular Ob.
i don't understand why this condition does this to me so often well i do but still struggle to understand why i can't just have some relief again. it is so frustrating for me. i feel lost and angry right now I feel like between the IC and the dndo I am never going to have the freedom i used to If i am not in the bathroom or in pain because of the IC than im in the ER or on pain meds because of the endo.
Everyone says try to look at the positive of everything but really there are not too many right now. i am typing this struggling not to fall asleep because of the meds I am o. The OB says she would rather have me on meds than to do the partial hystorectomy surgery but my mimd feels so cloudy on anything stronger than the tramadol i was taking that has apparently stopped helping my pain. i dont take it much but i guess with each dose the body becames more used to it . i just hate this. i never dreamed id be in this much pain at my age i figured id be enjoying a full life but it feels pretty empty right now because endo and IC are ruling it

had an awsome fourth of july

I went out on a friends lobster boat for the fireworks in portland i have dont this once in the past and really enjoy it when i am feeling up to going. the display was nice and it was very peaceful out on the boat. i had a wonderful time.
Not to spoikl my wonderful time but as i said before this blog is suposed to be about my life with cerebral palsy so i am going to tell u all how my CP affects my boat experience.
First of all i need alot of help walking up and down the docks can not hold my balance to do it on my own.
i need exrtra help getting into and out of the boat as my muscles are not strong enough for me to climb in and out on my own althouugh i am finding ways to do most of it on my own. i sit on the edge of the boat and swing my legs over and then have two people help lift me to a standing position.
I can not stand at all on the boat while it is moving have absolutely no control over my balance if i stand too afraiid to even attempt it although i did have a victory i stood on the boat while it was stopeed and the waves were rocking it a bit couldnt do taht even the last tiem i was out on it.
all in all a great but tireing niehgt thanks to my wonderful friends who are willing to drag me on their adventures love u guys so uch i dont want to mention names here because i onlyu know a few who actually read and i dont have consent to use names but thanks for reading and now u all know that i too have times where i am not independant and that is one big reason i dont stray too far from hme lol there are not many who know how or are willing to learn how to assist me

having a rough day today

First off thank you amy for all of your comments but unfortunately im not feeling to much better it seems to be slowly but progressivly getting a bit worse with the pain in my ovary. this is right now my biggest struggle. I have basically woken up each morning since the befgining of may with ovary pain some days its worse than others but it is always there again ugh. I am leary abut another surgery i have had my fair share
although only one has been for my CP that was a tendon surgery when i was 16. I am just not so lucky with other medical stuff lol but hey ill get through with suport from everyone if it comes down to needing the surgery I know i have a wonderful suport team from all over. I have a great family which really helps when you have so many issues.
I thik I am more just frustrated that the lupron did not work for as long as i had hoped it would and for amy i dont know if you have read that far back int my blog as there is alot to it but lupron is a drug that is given by injection that puts your body into a temporary menopause state had that back after my diagnostic surgery to help to shrink the endometriosis as it is estrogen dependant to grow and have felt pretty good up until this may.
if you already know about endometriosis and its treatments sorry for the extra rant but i dont like to put the name of a medication into my blog without all of my fellow followers knowing what it was for i dont like to be confused lol so i try not to confuse others.
any how the pain has been pretty bad today it is making my left side and leg hurt but I am trying to push myself throgh the day the only relief that i get is if i take meds and i hate taking them because they only work for a couple of hours and im just not a med fan emma i feel you on this one totally they are yucky amd for amy i am glad to suport u and emma she is beautiful and you are a wonderful mom ans to sheila how are you and malayna doing