a poem using the word endometriosis to describe endometriosis pain

Excruciating
Neasueating
Dreadful
Overwhelming
Merciless
Extreme
Tiring
Relentless
Intolerable
Obstinante
Scorching
Insermountable
Stabbing
You guys may be wondering why i chose some of the words i did to discribe my pain well here is an explanation for the ones you may be curious on.
neasueating I chose because the pain letterally makes me feel sick to my stomach
Obstinante i chose because the pain is like an obstinante person it will come and go as it pleases and ther is no way to change what it is going to do.
I chose scorching and stabbing because when i have the pain it feels liek fire is scortching my pelvis and sometimes it also feels like a stabbing pain as well
any way i am just not feeling wel right now and fel like writing something to describe how my pain felt. soemtimes it is so hard to descrice to anyone and this just started comming of onto papervery well so i decided to share with you

my baby boys turn one today

oh my gosh wher did the tiem go. it does not feel like they have been with us for ten months already. only because the first two they were with mama lol here is a pic of thenm when they were babies and ill post another later to show how big my babies are now moma love u jake and auntie loves u jeter you are my bos you are awsome puppies even when you guys run away lol.

ugh the apointments keep comming so frustrating

well lets see I dont think ive gone a motnh in 2011 without a doctors appointment. i am so tired. I just go another appointment in the mail for my gyn i have to go see her on April 11 and soemtime between now and then she is hoping i get into the urologist but i have not heard on that one yet and i already have a nephrologist (kidney specialist) follow up on march 25.
i just want a few months without seeeing any doctors. i am trying so hard. I have not seen my Primary Doctor since december i believe so i am doing fairly well there. i just completely need a break. igot a letter from the care management stating that my health seemed stable now and that i did not need their service anymore ha ha my healt is stable minus almost constant pain that i am learning to just live with now. i refuse to go to the hospital anymore it takes forever and thee isnt much they can do anymore. I just manage it home right now i will more than likely reach a time where I cant anymore but lets hope that is far in the future. It scares me to think about most of this it is fearful not knowing what kind of pain i will be in every day. Today I feel like i have razor blades inside of my bladder and I have cramps from the endometriosis so yep this is the end of my february in a nut shell.
there have been positives honestly. mom and i had a talk about me needing independance. She admist that i need more away time but she also says that she wants me close so that she can be here for me through my rough times. she is thinking on voulenteer oppertunities close to home for me yay im so happy at elast she is trying to understand i dont want to go far from here just need help finding oppertunities so i can spend time away from the house. so february has been a good and bad month all in all alright i guess. My counsoler would be proud of this blog post because i took the time to focus on some happy stuff in here i know sometimes i dotn do that enough but it all gets so overwhelming.
i also got to spend a few hours with a good friend of mine today it was really nice i just wish i was feeling better. we drove for an hour and i went to the bathroom before leaving and had to basically run to go agin when we got to the locatin we were going and then by the tiem we got back to her house for her to grab a few things i had to go again and then it was a total of fifteen minutes between getting to her house and going home and when i got here i had to go yet again. thsi si what I live with every day or nearly so some are good and yes this is alog with the endometriosis this is a recap of my intercystial cystitis the newest diagnosis. hope i have not bored you all to death lol i will update soon

God where are you lately ar you hiding from me

I had my oVGYN visit today. She came in and asked how i was doing and i was like well i want so much to tell you good because that is what you want to hear but i cant I am in pain still and not getting any better. So here is what was done today

I was instructed to discontinue my elmiron which did not hurt my feelings any at all less neasua for me yay for that.

She is putting in a referal to a urologist not the news i wanted but knew It was comming. within the next two months i will have met yet another doctor I feel like every doctor in portland knows who I am .

jenny, My OB lol was pretty discouraged that the elmiron did not help because she didn't want to send me to any more appointments and doctors but she is also doing what we both know is best for me but im still kind of sad and discouraged well tht is what my day intailed today.

It is not mothers day but for me every day that i am here i think about how special mom is to me and i want to dedicate this song to my mommy and all others out there who have raised a child especially all of my cp firends you guys are special mommys.

mom no matter what changes i make in my life i want you to think of this song. i am growing and changing but no matter how much i grow and change i will always need my mommy. i love you so much.
I know it will be difficult for you to let go i am your baby but i will be Ok and i will make the right choices in my life. You have taught me how to make good chioces and to go with what i feel and not let anyone change my mind. i love you for being a wonderful mom and making me the wonderful person I am today

Very long week for me so far

I am having a very long week this week for a few reasons the major one is pain and discomfort. I have been frustrated with a few things as well but im not going to share my full life on here lol basically just things on medical aspects or i try and keep it that way but any how i have been in a depression now for a while and it is making things so much harder.
I am at a point in life where i want to explore new options in life and experience new things but I am really struggling to find the suport and asistance I need to attain that goal. As I said before mom keeps a pretty tight hold on me because of many aspects the biggest one i think is that she is afraid of losing me because i was so fragile at birth. i really wish that i could be seen as the stron person that i am today. I have alot of medical issues yes but I do not see myself as medicallu fragile. i would really love to get a part time job or voulenteer somehere for a few days a week but it is a huge struggle with transportation and everything as well. i love my family i love bing with them do not get me wrong they are a huge part of my life and a very important one too. i am just feeling the major urge to grow and make some changes in my lofe for the better it iwll happen in time its just really frustrating trying to get there as it is for al with Cp or any other physically limiting disability. it is not a medical post but it is a huge part of anyones life who has a disability so its on here nowany how thats whats been up with me lol

i have learned that the only thing that stays the same is everything changes

well i had a good day although it has been painful for me. i went with my niece to her appointment this morning. my poor baby girl got five needles. She was such a tough cookie though. After we finished with her i had to go to my gastro appointment which auntie brough me to and mom brough miss lil one to hers.
My appointment went very well but thing have once again changed. i now have to take a fiber suplement called fiber choice along with the existing meds for two weeks then after two weeks decrease the philips to one caplet a day adn then after another two weeks stop the philips alltogether to see how thing go. the Gi doesnt want to keep me on laxative tablets for too long so I hope this works in my favor pray that things do not return the way they were before dont want to do that again.

gastro appointment tomorrow

i am going to be happy to finally have this one over with i had to reschedule twoce now lol thank you so much snow not. any way i am hoping things go well but I am not so sure if they will been having aome slight issues with constipation again i didnt really miss it for sure and i have been faithfully taking the meds that i have been given. maybe im not drinking enough water i dont know honestly but will be discussing it tomorrow to see what he thinks. not much else to report on yet will have more to report on after the appointment.

happy snowy february to all

I am so tired of this snow. it has been crazy this year. I cant wait for spring lol. Other than that not much to report. I have my gastro appointmetn and ob appointmetn comming up this month provided we dont get burried in the snow lol. Im hoping not because i just want them done and over with. Other than that things are going well for me for the most part. im having hip pain again but not going to the doc for that yet until I cant deal with it anymore hope it dies not get to that point though.